Thanksgiving for All

In a few days Thanksgiving will land on the shores of the United States and there will be great cause for celebration!  A lot has changed since the first pilgrims landed in Plymouth in 1621.  Escaping religious persecution and surviving a hard winter, the band of settlers appropriately gave thanks to God for His care.  

Giving thanks — its not always easy to do.  The Thanksgiving of 1621 would have thrown many of us 20th century folk for a loop.  Further on down the line, Thanksgiving is still just as relevant for us as it was for those long-ago pilgrims.  No, its not about the football.  Its about remembering how God watched over those pilgrim ancestors of ours and how He still watches over us.  Every year, pilgrims land on our shores.  Perhaps we haven’t consciously thought of it this way, but persecution still exists in the world and many make the treacherous journey to the Land of the Free.  But their story doesn’t end there.  Their struggles continue with living in a land with a different language, an economic slump, and a realization that not all their dreams may come true.  Its more than culture shock and the pilgrims of 1621 experienced a little more than just culture shock too.  

So here we are, preparing to celebrate yet another Thanksgiving.  For some, it will be there first Thanksgiving.  Let this day be when we make time to think and remember how God has led us in the past — yes, even during our darkest moments.  Let this be the day when we focus not on criticism, spite, getting even, or even on common distractions, but on family, life, the small yet significant blessings, and the opportunity to reach out to others and provide hope.  For once in our lives, lets consciously dwell on giving thanks.

The Best of Memories

Every now and again my mind wanders back to some of the best times in my life.  Those are times when life was pleasant for the most part and I completely lived in the moment. 

As a child I lived in Canada and everyday was filled with new things to learn and places to go.  The world was big and everything was a novelty.  Not far from where we lived in Alberta was a Hutterite colony.  In winter they gave my brother and I a homemade sled.  Then there were the campmeetings held in Quebec where I would get lost among the raspberry brambles and eat to my heart’s content blissfully ignorant of time.   One other fond memory I have is from my time spent studying at Seminar Schloss Bogenhofen, in Austria.  During that summer and half a school year of studying German, I remember spending afternoons and evenings in nature walking or biking through the fields surrounding the school and being amazed at the variety of beauty and culture that God created.  In winter, there was skating on the Inn river.  In spring the walk to Hagenau was lined by pear trees that were covered in white flowers.  I can describe the setting, but as anyone knows, memories are very personal and are beyond explanation.  That is part of the beauty.  It is part of each person’s world.

Our memories are God-given.  He wants us to enjoy remembering the good experiences of our life that have already taken place.  Good memories remind us of times when life was good to us and that still can take place.  Sometimes we’ve pushed aside the unpleasant situations surrounding what we remember as only the best of times in life.  However, I think that with the frustrating moments in our day-to-day lives, good things are not necessarily lost to future memories.  We may not forget those unpleasant moments, but they won’t necessarily figure prominently.  I think that one of the ways that we are able to create these good experiences are by the ways we decide to live our lives now and in the future.  For everything we do there are consequences.  Very often we forget how life is to be lived.  Perhaps at one point in time we lived a simpler, healthier life than we do now.  What has changed?  What can be done differently now?  We cannot go back and relive the past, but we can capture some of the lost essence and rekindle it in our lives for how we’d like to remember it in years to come.  We do this by staying in touch with ourselves, staying in touch with God, and thinking about what worked for us back when and applying those tools to our lives currently.  It’s a way of living congruently over time and still adjusting to life changes to stay current. 

We can be very thankful for our memories and goodness that are stored in our minds to reflect on.

A Little Discomfort

A little over four years ago I came back from a year of teaching English and psychology in a developing country.  That one school year taught me a lot.  By far the most important lesson I learned was to live with a little discomfort and still enjoy life.  Only those who have lived abroad will understand what I mean fully.  We can come to appreciate the little stone in our shoe that constantly reminds us that things aren’t what they could be.  The language was a challenge and in some ways, a barrier.  Communication betweem faculty and administration seemed to happen at the last minute, and class schedules would get revised, even in the middle of the semester.  Each day came and went with its own set of surprises, and I learned to work with whatever came my way.  Whether it was the persistently rude student, painfully slow internet connection, or living under the analytical eye of all students, life meant more there than it had ever before. 

Interestingly, this little lesson in discomfort was taught unwittingly by the attitudes of the vast majority of the young people I came in contact with.  After my return to the States, I remember a group of young college ladies gathered around a computer looking at purses online.  The discussion revolved around various options purses had.  Everything from zippers, clasps, buttons, pockets, cell-phone compartments, color, texture, material, was discussed.  At the time, it disgusted me because the various options for purses back where I had taught were limited.  People made do (with very good taste) with the clothes and accessories they had. 

But perhaps the most shocking realization of my return was the major difference in maturity level amongst college students in America and college students in this developing country.  A somewhat less than ideal life had caused a process of maturation in these students that was greatly lacking in their American counterparts.  I started to long for a return to where I had taught and interact with these students who had what I believe a more realistic and serious understanding of life.  Did these young people not have fun?  On the contrary, but they had to constantly focus on preparing for life — much of the preparation done on their own.  The vast majority took their relationships seriously (both casual and romantic), were conscientious in the work they did, studied long hours, and did not complain about the little inconvenciences that life brought their way.  They picked their battles and fought those without complaining about issues beyond their control.  I am thankful for what these young people taught me.  They are better off in these respects than those in first world countries.  A few inconveniences wouldn’t hurt anyone.

When the internet is painfully slow and there isn’t much I can do about it, I need to remind myself to realize that this is the exception and not the rule.  When I don’t find what I’m looking for online, I can make a sigh of relief that what I have is sufficient, and what I don’t have, I can find a way to substitute.  I’m thankful for those little inconveniences that teach me to be innovative, see the immediate as an opportunity to mature even more, and move my life in a direction that will pay dividends for the future.  I’m no masochist, but I want to have some aspect of my life that reminds me of more important things.

Decision-Making

A friend of mine needs to make a decision about a possible move.  The dilemma surrounds whether to stay in California and study at a school with a mediocre reputation or go to another school on the other side of the country where it costs more but has a good program.  There are approximately 2 months before the move would be made but there is a lot on his plate.  First, he needs to finish the semester.  Second, if he does choose to move he needs to think of how he’ll move all of his stuff from point A to B.  There could also be the need of finding a job, a place to stay, and financial arrangements with the new school.   

The whole idea and follow-through of making decisions is intriguing.  When one looks carefully at it, everything an individual does is a decision.  With all the decisions an individual makes in just one day, how do we keep it all straight?  How do we manage as best we can with all the confusion?  What do we gain and what do we lose?

I would like to propose that decisions are more easily made when there is a clear, conscious vision and purpose.  For most individuals there will be many separate visions for separate goals in life that run simultaneously.  If my friend decides to move to a school that has a better program even if it costs more, his vision is for better job opportunities.  If however he decides to stay where he is because it costs less, but the quality of education is not as high, his vision is perhaps to stay within a financially feasible range.  These two separate visions cannot coexist.  Whatever he chooses now could very well determine what kind of job outlook he would face.

The decision for one of two equally attractive visions is not all that he has to consider.  Once the vision decision is made, then comes the follow-through.  The follow-through are the subsequent decisions that help fulfill the vision.  Keep in mind that time is passing, and with the passing of time comes inevitable changes in circumstances.  That is why it is highly important to have a conscious purpose and vision.  Otherwise decisions can be made that aren’t guided by the vision.  Necessary adjustments might need to be made on the way to fulfilling the vision.  It is this vision that keeps follow-through decions relevant and on track lessening the chance of confusion and distraction from the other necessary visions in other aspects of life. 

Ultimately, a vision chosen will indicate what is important to an individual.

Good News

Several weeks ago I finished reading a book by Georges Perec called Species of Spaces.  It is a collection of essays written by this eccentric Frenchman.  One particular essay stands out.  In it Perec explores what makes news news.  Though his essay eventually concludes on another valid point, he brings about an awareness that I would like to focus on.

Humans seem to be attracted, in some unconscious way, to sensational news usually revolving around some scandal or tragic event.  We’re not interested in reading about the marriage milestone of some famous couple, about some animal that has made it off the endangered species list, or how some city has found a way to successfully feed all the homeless! 

News must be news if it is big, gory, and jarring.  Otherwise, it is relegated to the back pages as if it were an afterthought.  Of course, not everything can be a headline! 

In a fast-paced life, we usually allocate those precious moments to something.  What an honor!  We have a smorgasbord of choices, and the sensation is what we invariably go for. 

Why?

Do we somehow feel better prepared to face life and it’s unpleasant surprises?  Have we somehow recognized that this is the way to live a happier and care-free existence?

So here we are at the beginning of another day.  What kind of news will we read or hear?  What will be our choice of background noise?  What will fill-in the blank moments.  In the next two hours, half day, or full day what will replay in our thoughts?  Will it impact the way we relate to others?  Will it help us study better this evening?  Will it improve  self-talk? 

We find what we look for!

Set Apart

I recently read an article in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/27/opinion/27blow.html?em) about a survey that yielded sobering results.  It appears that most American Christian respondants believe that other religions (not to be confused with specific Christian denominations) could lead to heaven.  Furthermore, approximately half said that atheists could also go to heaven? 

Is being a good person enough to get to heaven?  I find it hard to believe.  What is the point of the existence of Christianity then?  Christianity is a religion that professes in belief and action, to follow Christ.  Just about anyone can be a good person.  Just about anyone can be a Christian too!  So, whats the difference? 

Christianity has a set of standards (divine standards) within the belief system that challenges, stretches, and asks me and other adherents to be more than just good.  The standards rise high above societal norms, societal tendencies, and society’s high standards.  In a politically correct world where feel good reigns, such divine standards are unpopular and uncomfortable.  The imposition of finite norms, tendencies, and standards by Christians on an infinite God amounts to insolence.  We Christians need to remember our place.

The atheists, and those of other religious persuasions are not going to be concerned about the Christian heaven as much as the Christian will, or at least ought to.  Yet, despite the ebb and flow of trends, Bible believing Christians can be thankful for the fixed divine standards that hold them and others accountable.  In a letter to Mrs. L., C. S. Lewis said that “Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.”  Of course something has been done for us on His part.  The focus has to be relying on God.  Thankfully, whoever goes to heaven will have done so based on Christ’s decision, not ours.

Tuesdays with Morrie

The other day I watched Tuesdays with Morrie.  The story is of a college graduate, Mitch, and his sociology professor, Morrie, who make contact with each other 16 years after graduation.  Morrie has been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease (ALS).  Mitch has been a super busy and stressed sports commentator and columnist who has been unable to commit fully to his intimate relationship with Janine. 

Mitch eventually sets his Tuesdays aside to travel, and meet with Morrie for several “classes” where Morrie speaks to Mitch about what he has learned about life.  They discuss (amongst other things) the world, feeling sorry for yourself, regrets, emotions, marriage, and forgiveness.  Each week touches on one topic that is tape recorded and later transcribed.  As time progresses, Mitch starts to realize what he is running away from, what he fears, and what means most to him. 

You’ll have to watch the movie or read the book to find out the results.

Conclusion

1.  How we make a habit of living now will impact our approach to death when the time comes.                                                                                                          

2.  We will engage in what is important to us even at a subconscious level.  We need to face our fears because they often steer us in the direction we go.

3.  When it comes down to it, we cannot escape taking charge of our lives and realizing that we have the power to decide what choices we will make and accept the consequences of those choices whether we’re aware of them or not.  For those who are Christian, we believe that it is the working of Christ along with us that make choices and accept the consequences even if we humans are not fully cognizant of what the consequences will be.

 

          

Manners Makyth Man

Manners Makyth Man.  These words by William of Wykeham appear at the entrance to New College of St. Mary at Oxford University.  Centuries later, manners and courtesy still apply.  Sadly, manners have often been viewed as weaknesses, relics of the past, marks of elitism and high society, and shackles to the freedom of authenticity and gender.  Theodore Dalrymple has this to say about verbal courtesy:

Being spontaneous and expressing oneself (regardless of content) is much more highly prized nowadays than obedience to a supposedly stuffy code laid down by convention or tradition.  Unhappily, liberation from convention has not resulted in the emergence of man’s natural beauty, but something altogether Hobbesian and less attractive.

In a similar vein, Abigail McCarthy believes that “One of the worst abuses of courtesy today is the tendency to make honesty an excuse for rudeness…It does not justify unkindness and rudeness…it does not license them to tell others that they look awful or are stupid, etc.”

Though these may be the conscious or uncounscious sentiments of many, there are those who see courtesy and manners for what they really are.  Father John J. Piderit in the U.S. Catholic says:

I prefer to see them as gestures and symbols that give us regular opportunities to fulfill our deeper human responsibilities.

McCarthy says:

True courtesy is based on cultural traditions…and is safeguarded by rules based on deep principles.  Above all it is based on respect for other people’s feelings.

The difficulty comes when these overtures of respect are not appreciated for their real intent, or are ignored out of concern that the intent will be misunderstood.  Piderit goes on to say:

Opening a door for someone today sends a clear signal that I’m willing to slow down to pay you some attention.  It also says that despite all the pressures I face to be first, I’m regarding you as important enough to go ahead of me — even for a fleeting moment.  Similarly yielding your seat to an older person or a parent clutching a child shows that you honor the person and want to respect his or her dignity — especially on a hurtling city bus.

Despite the rebuffs that may come our way, it is a privilege and responsibility (especially amongst men) to confidently show courtesy. 

What can be done to maintain manners like turning a cellphone on silent or vibrate while in a doctor’s office, walking on the outside of a woman on the pavement, greeting the elderly in a respectful tone of voice without the sing-song attention that is often observed in nursing homes, or refraining from passing gas in public as well as spitting and burping?

Eighty-five percent of surveyed adults believe that Americans could stand to be more polite.  Sixty-four percent say that those who are courteous are largely in the minority.  Lastly, 34% say that manners have been completely rejected by most Americans.  “Yet despite their opinions about the rest of the population’s poor manners, people don’t seem to think that they themselves are the source of the problem.”  The first answer to the problem involves looking inside ourselves and honestly owning-up to our coarseness.  Secondly, it involves taking proactive steps to eradicate the offending speech, and insensitive behavior through accountability, reading, and even formal education.  Third, it will mean spending more time with people than with computer games, and the internet (besides work).  Fourth, McCarthy points out that learning manners at home is preferable than at school.  True, it requires that parents and caregivers pay close attention to what they say and how they behave.  “But there are reasons why schools have taken on the task.  One of the most basic, of course, is the need to maintain order, from elementary school on, so that everyone can learn.”  With age comes responsibility.  There is really nowhere else to start, but oneself.

This is a very large topic to think about.  Like anything good, it will take conscious effort to reestablish a sense of respectful culture. 

In closing, Piderit says”…good manners don’t just guarantee acceptance; good manners enhance our ability to interact with one another…they are gentle signals that show we care about one another.”

—————                                                                                                                                             

References:

American Demographics (2003, July/August).  Naught and nice?  American Demographics, 25(6), 10-11.  Retrieved October 13, 2008 from firstsearch.oclc.org database.

Dalrymple, T. (2000, January).  No one tips their cap any more.  New Statesman (London, England: 1996), 128(4467), 66-67. Retrieved October 13, 2008 from firstsearch.oclc.org database.

McCarthy, A. (1999, May).  Mind your manners.  Commonweal, 126(10),  8-9.  Retrieved October 13, 2008 from firstsearch.oclc.org database.

Piderit, Father J. J. (1997, March).  Do others mind your manners?  U.S. Catholic, 62, 24.  Retrieved October 13, 2008 from firstsearch.oclc.org database.

The Anatomy and Physiology of Hope

I recently finished reading a book called The Psychology of Hope.  There are very few books out there that focus on the psychological underpinnings of hope.  The majority of hope-related books are Christian-based (nothing wrong with that) and focus mainly on how hope can be achieved in a relationship with God.  However, The Psychology of Hope presents the “anatomy and physiology” of hope — something that in no way will get in the way of the Christian themes of hope.

What intrigued me was Snyder’s breakdown of three mental components (anatomy) of hope: goals, willpower, and waypower. 

For him, goals are objects, experiences, and outcomes that we imagine and desire. 

“Willpower is the driving force in hopeful thinking.”  It is the determination and commitment one has to get an individual from point A to point B. 

Lastly, waypower is the strategy, the road map that guides hopeful thought.  “Waypower is a mental capacity we can call on to find one or more effective ways to reach our goals.”

Simply put:                           Hope = Mental Willpower + Waypower for Goals

None of these would work without the other which explains why people get stuck in the achieving process, and/or experience hopelessness. 

This was something I really hadn’t thought of before.  Hope seems elusive, or present — something that just seems slightly out of our control.  Sometimes we try to hope — even will it.  But it just doesn’t always seem to work.  This has been a brief description of what composes hope and how it functions.  Very brief.  I encourage you to buy the book and read it for yourself.  Its a great guide!

Bibliographical Information:                                                                                                                      Snyder, C.R. (1994). The psychology of hope: You can get there from here. New York: The Free Press.

Guarding Our Attitudes

Finally, brothers, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.  Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

We have all heard the wise words of this verse.  Parents have quoted it to their children in the context of movies, books, and music.  There is a good reason for it too.  But are these obvious and ”simplistic” behaviors all that impact our thoughts?  Do we need to pay closer attention to other, perhaps less obvious influences?

What about attitude?  Must one’s attitude be subject to the same rigorous test as movies, books, and music?  What about those friends who exhibit the syndrome of stinking thinking?  How do their actions and attitudes, which affect us, fit into Philippians 4:8?  We are told that by beholding, we become changed.  Do we distance ourselves from the toxic attitudes of others, and build healthy and fulfilling friendships elsewhere? 

These are questions each individual needs to answer for themself.  Surely these individuals need prayer, and they need the positive influence of others where they lack.  At the same time, no one can be everything to everyone.  Some may need to guard themselves more than others may.  Its not about developing an attitude of superiority.  Its about taking care of personal needs so others can be served more effectively. 

Interestingly, Paul was in prison when he wrote Philippians.  Undoubtedly frustration and discouragement settled in.  He was human.  He could very easily have developed a deep-seated cynicism towards his present condition.  He could have become critical of church politics, and he could’ve settled into a fault-finding pattern toward others.  At times there was the need for correction and warning.  Yet, he encouraged others and paid compliments.  Others more than likely felt affirmed in his presence and enjoyed their time spent with him.